Cutting Edge

“It looks like aliens have landed,” was all my best friend’s father would say. My friend Mike and I stood there with amused, smug smiles on our faces as Mike’s dad stared at the freshly cut lawn with a strange glint in his eye. “It could become a new fashion,” offered Mike, trying to justify the strange pattern we had left on his neighbor’s lawn. Most of the lawn seemed normal, but in one large, square section, my friend had started at the center and spiraled out, creating a large hypnotic circle.
My friend and I often experiment with different designs as we mow people’s lawns. Depending on our mood or requests from the customer, we might mow a lawn diagonally or vertically. Sometimes when we’re feeling tired and lazy, we’ll just go around the border until it is finished. On an odd day, we might do ‘S’ curves throughout the lawn. Lawn mowing can be as interesting and artistic as a sculpture or painting. People tend to think of their yards as works of art. Why else would they often pay large sums of money for me to mow their lawn on a weekly basis? If they just wanted the grass cut, they could hire just any little kid for a fraction of the price.
Many people think, by some stroke of genius, that lawn mowing is hard work. It is. The average lawn requires mowing every week for nearly six months. Here in the desert, the sun beats down mercilessly with temperatures in the eighties and nineties. Each workday reveals the intimate aromas that mingle with the sweat of the lawn mower. Dust, grass clippings, body odor and gasoline are the perfume of choice by all experienced lawn mowers. Cracked, dry lips screaming for water become second nature; chapstick is the lawn mower’s best friend. Heatstroke and dehydration are merely the byproducts of focused, efficient work.
Of all the trials found in mowing lawns, walking in a straight line is by far the most difficult to accomplish. Tiny lumps in the lawn constantly leap out and grab the machine, throwing it careening off course. Drips of sweat, blurring the eyes, distract the mower from his line of sight. As he frantically wipes his eyes and swats at mosquitoes, he follows a zigzag course. Mysterious objects hiding in long tufts of grass must be moved aside, or mowed around.
Emptying the bag can be one of the most annoying and distracting routines of mowing a lawn. Every so often, the mower must stop and empty the bag before it overflows, leaving tiny clumps of grass clippings that cry volumes against the purity and perfection of the green sea. This break causes a complete loss of focus and concentration to the mower. The next few strips of grass mowed often reflect the mower’s frustration at having been interrupted from his reverie.
By far, the worst aspect of mowing lawns is cleaning up. After a hard days work, no one wants to deal with ten huge, black bags full of grass. Perhaps a week later, the offending pile of bags will be noticed by its distinct odor. The mower’s mother most likely displays her liking for more fashionable fragrances around the yard and orders the pile removed. Nothing can compare to the sensation and stench of green ooze running from bag, to arm, to clothes (which retain the smell for some weeks afterward) as they are taken to the nearest disposal area.
Efficient and artistic lawn mowers are hard to come by. Few people have the patience to experience the relaxing joy of lawn mowing found by raking smooth strokes across an endless sea of green carpet. My friend Mike and I, and some few select others, stand alone in a world where people want instant food, constant convenience, and have little appreciation for hard work and creativity. We alone appreciate the joys found in mowing lawns.